My little relief. More should come later.

He is the type of guy who amuses the others, but i hate it. He is the type of guy who studies. He is the type of guy who works out.
He's the type of guy who screw you up and then with a kiss pick your mind and your heart to him. He's the type of guy that is wee but seems big.
He's the type of guy who made you lost a friend. But you know you'd never let him make you lose me, us. He's the type of guy who greets me with rage.
He's the type of boy who aims sex, but everyone does. He's the type of guy who says "I love you" but just if his hands are in your panties.
And you still the girl who seems to love me. But still the girl who claims to hate love. You still the girl who picks me up when i want...
And I merely still the boy who would kill for perfection. The boy who just knows how to grumble and how to count and how to plan.
While he murmurs wrongly about business, I remain counting the rhythmic beats, remain drinking too much coffee, remain quiet about love....
I remain liking rats and wanting to be famous with art, remain spending too much time in petty things and in trying to be positive....
But the worst is that I remain in smiling after a day without feeding, and I quite moan in my bed while i think on you...
But you still love me I think. And I still love you. And he will never stop being yours and talking about shit and laughing in the gym about other’s flaws, never looking to his...
And i will never stop talking about imaginary friends and about my childhood when they called me things i wasn't....I will never stop laughing with you even when he calls you and I look to you with that face “it’s our time”…
I will never stop being yours too, and I would never deny an order of you….I will never stop writing in my mind and never putting things on paper just because writing physically tires a lot…
I will never stop making things up , but keeping everything to me…while my conscience goes and swallow down all my stories…
I will never stop preferring stay in home, with music and feeling things that I just feel alone in my house, than to go out with people.
I will never forget that sin that occurred some times, but that I regret with all my forces…
I will never forget your fidelity, and will never forget your value, because this is one of the things I have sure the most.
I will never grant you everything you want, but I would grant you with all I want and I know you would be happy, because you want the same of me.
Sex would be a pleasurable hollow space between us that we could enjoy sometimes… Because sex, we like, and touch ,we love, because we both think that teasing and provocation is perfect….and that our karma is our disgrace. But together the problems are jokes, we have the power to make them go away.
With you I become thin and you become someone who your parents look after and care about.
Maybe, when we both are 22, we could go anywhere without worrying about the others listening to our conversation….without worrying about the school and the future…because in the time, we will be living the future.
Maybe the future is already written. Maybe it could change…
But even if it changes in an abnormally, extreme and unhappy way….I am going to want to have your phone to call you up for some stroll….you would ignite my happiness and the night would be our friend with a song called “Hallellujah” in the background….
Oh, then, I just don’t know why we, even knowing were made to each other, don’t accept the fact we can stay together and be happy with our skin and our laughs.
Oh, how the laughs are just so “ours”.
And I don’t care who will read this and laugh at me because I like rats….And I don’t care if they call me anything….i just needed to write. As a song…Even though I don’t play the piano very much or very well…just a few chords.
This thing is just a relief. I don’t expect anyone to read, but I am ensured I needed to write.
This text doesn’t show 10% of all I love in you, really. I may write more about you, it’s refreshing….
I can seem cold sometimes, but in the end….you are just my rose. My special one without thorns. You are one of the few people I seem to love. And some of them I’m not sure yet. But you, I’m sure since we listened to “Littlest Things” together.
And to prove you were made to me, I started this text just hating your boyfriend, but now, I can see he doesn’t even matter to us….doesn’t even matter between us…
If he lost his way even in this text of 2 pages…..why would I care about him in a life?
He seems very little. In every way of the word.


XX ,
G.